Of Suicides…

Every time I hear of someone abusing a child, I judge. I hate them and I get angry. Ditto for men who abuse their wives. And for rapists. And for terrorists. I don’t want to know why they did it; I don’t want to know their reasons. I don’t want to walk in their shoes to understand what made them commit such acts.

And then, when I hear of young people taking away their lives because they were dumped, I cannot help but be angry. I have seen this happen at extremely close quarters. The said person tried to take her life away after a nasty break up. She consumed poison but survived only to be vegetative for over a year. Miracles do happen and she pulled through. This happened ages back. Now she is married to a different person, has 2 cute children and couldn’t have been happier. The guy for whom she took this step didn’t even wait for a year before tying the knot with another pretty young thing. All in all, everyone is now leading the so called regular normal life.

Things would have surely been very different if she would have died; for her parents and her siblings and to a certain extent for some of her friends too. She has lived through the attempt of trying to put an end to her life, and so she can compare. And she still hates herself for even trying it. She dreads to think of what would have happened if she had succeeded. She sees her children and she cries, thinking how stupid she was to not even have given a chance to this happiness.

Now that you have some perspective, I was distressed when I heard that a young IIM Bangalore student put her life to an end after a break up. There is only one thing in my mind – to shake these youngsters hard and make them see how beautiful things can turn out. It’s the fight in them which shouldn’t die. Death is so final; it’s putting an end to everything you have ever been or you could ever be.

I might not understand in how much pain she was. After all only she is going through it. I will not even compare her to others who might have gone through much more tragic things in their lives. But I still wouldn’t say yes to her “ending her life”. I will never support her in this act. To quote a friend, mind you, only partially, to try and even remotely justify someone who has committed suicide is “stupid to the power of infinity”.

Talk, get help, think it through, and don’t act right away. Wait for some time, sleep through it. The morning will show a different light. Don’t put an end to things; don’t make it so final that you are not even around to regret it.

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24 Responses to Of Suicides…

  1. SupMM says:

    I absolutely agree. Suicide for whatever reason, by whosoever it is – is simply wrong. Its not about her being from IIM or Jhumritalaiya college, but the fact that she chose to throw her life away. And that is wrong.

  2. “Talk, get help, think it through, and don’t act right away.”

    Agreed. But people go to the extent of suicide when they are either denied or feel that they are denied the opportunity to talk it out. As social beings, we need to feel included and when the world is against you, suicide seems the easy way out. You don’t need someone to tell you “you are being stupid”, but simply say, “hello, I am here for you.”

    And it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are weak, they have a will strong enough to go against the natural need to live.

  3. Anita Menon says:

    One of your best posts Iya. When I read that piece of news, it broke my heart. There was so much potential and promise that just wasted away. Things cannot always be great in one’s life. Everybody has their share of ups and downs.Only when you pull yourself through the dark times will you appreciate the beautiful things life has to offer to you.
    As I write this comment, I am still feel so sad inside for all that has gone away never to be replaced.

  4. Agree. Killing one self has such a finality to it. I think about cancer/terminally ill and the fight they put to live and then think about young students killing themselves over marks/heartbreak and it makes me mad. But also sad that they had no one to turn to and just cry their hearts out.

  5. HI Iya !
    First of all i would love to tell you that i love your posts.
    Now talking about this one here. I do have something to contribute to it. I have a best friend who got in a relationship with conservative muslim who was bent on changing his religion if he wanted to be with her.Then one fine day she went for further studies to another country and moved on in her life with another guy.Unfortunately my best friend lost his dad and he was very depressed and his ex girlfriend didnt even bother to be there for him.He tried to take his life every other day and i had to rush to his place to save him but thankfully he is not trying to kill himself anymore and is doing pretty well these days. So yes anybody who tries to kill themselves for anything is very stupid.life is precious and we should live each day fully.

  6. Hey Iya, the point has been put across very well in this blog. But i may go one step ahead and state that if some one cannot handle such situations, its better they commit suicide. Life will always come up with similar situations every now and then. they will end up in depression every time, and in fact, will become a liability to their family and friends.

    Better option would be to talk with near and dear ones when in depression or facing a tough situation. I know, that i do not know her situation and commenting on her now with out knowing the actual situation was not be proper. The point is when in depression, talk to people near you rather than giving up on the situation.

    • Iya says:

      Hi Purvesh – i am sorry but i dont agree with what you have stated in 1st para. that is such a wrong approach according to me…
      2nd point, i totally agree..

  7. shoumik says:

    Well said.. and totally agree

  8. one someone passes away a whole family is broken, many life’s still. The one that goes away actually suffers the least and the people who are left behind suffer more. Having said that who has the right on a person’s life? its a complicated matter this suicide though I agree with u having seen this on close quarters

    its sad very sad I can’t even imagine what the family is going thru

    • Iya says:

      Yes mon, the ones left behind suffer the worse fate. and the realization that the death was a choice and not an accident or natural cause is even more painful..

  9. Prathima says:

    I think I have a different view on suicide, just like any other decision in ones life , ending it should also be his/hers. If they feel they do not want to live further, it is up to them. Suicide is not a sign of weakness , it must take a lot of courage to leave everyone and this world behind and to hurt yourself! I can’t Imagine how they do it, but if they do, I respect their decision.

    • Iya says:

      I am sorry Prathima, but i just dont agree with you on this point. It is a sure shot sign of weekness, one when decides to give up on everything and end life..

  10. chandni says:

    But I agree with what you have said here! I don’t condone suicide, never will, but I have a problem with people talking about someone who’s no more in this world. If this discussion was about suicides in general and what we think of it, you and I would agree completely..but when I wrote that post, it was in context of this particular news and how people reacted to it, what got my goat in this particular case was people focusing on her college and the fact that killing oneself “over a boy” is stupid. One can’t say this reason is justified and that isn’t.

    Just that.

    • Iya says:

      Because it was all related chandni. it was about a girl, who killed herself over a boy and happened to study in the said college.
      According to me killing oneself is not correct, period. whatever be the reason.. boy or no boy..

  11. Double Inverted Commas says:

    I totally agree with you. But the internet is becoming a menace too.

  12. Deeps says:

    Totally agree with you Iya! Today’s youngsters somehow are far more impulsive, their endurance level is so low that it scares me to think that this is the era that my daughter is growing up in! *Shudder

  13. Unfortunately it’s not that easy. When I was younger I used to think of suicide as a cowardly act. I knew someone in my building who killed himself by consuming poison after he was caught cheating during an engineering exam. Having studied psychology and working now in mental health, I know differently. Suicide is contemplated when the person is utterly hopeless…when they see no other point to their lives. Add that to an impulsive nature and the person is very likely to be successful. The problem with India is that even though some of the reasons seem so trivial to us, these young people don’t have anyone they can talk to and by that I mean a professional who can be objective, empathise with them and help them problem solve their way out of that state…only once there is a good system in place can there be any change. We see young people here who present to emergency dept with suicidal intentions after family conflict or relationship break ups…most are not successful because the system helps them.

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