For the sake of posterity

It’s a weird feeling. The way my life has turned out to be. Fifteen years ago if someone would have told me this is what I would be doing today, I would have gaped hard, not believing a single word. But then this is how I am today.

This morning when I looked at the mirror, I saw myself as I see myself every day. But then I looked hard and I saw someone else too. Is it possible to look at yourself so objectively? I saw frayed nerves and I saw a few lines of worry but I also saw someone with an objective and an agenda. When did I become like that? When did I change? I don’t recall that moment, so I think it didn’t happen in a moment. It happened over a good 15 years. Gradually, so gradually that I didn’t even notice. It grew on me, slowly and steady, like second skin, and now this is me. If I erase these 15 years in between to the girl I was back then to who I am now, there is hardly any resemblance.

My dreams were so different back then. My aspirations were so limited then. So when did those innocent dreams of a little girl, from a small town, gave way to the dreams of this girl? When did I become this competitive? When did the meek me gave way to the brave me? When did I stop crying over the silly remarks people made? When did I learn to give it back?

I have no memory of it. I think I am already forgetting things. Sometimes I do miss how silly and innocent I used to be. Crying over things people did. Sensitive to the point of being stupid.

Writing this was important. I want to come back to this in a few years and see how much I have changed from this girl too. I miss blogging. I miss the interaction. I miss how I am not writing about the so much that is happening in my life. Maybe I should. Even if no one reads it. It will do me good. Or maybe just for the sake of posterity.

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18 Responses to For the sake of posterity

  1. ittakestime says:

    Yeah, the innocence kind of dies a slow death..
    What remains are the marks of time passed and leaves you , well a bit older and smarter. Day by day !!!

  2. Priyanka says:

    Dear Iya,

    yesterday after a very very long hiatus me and the partner decided to take in a musical invite and participate in something that was not part of the race that both personal and professional lives have become.

    we came back enthralled and humbled.

    having said that I must admit that short break gave us an oppurtunity to relive many distant memories, rekindle many desires and dreams. Over all remind us of the person we were.

    am just happy to report that the person in my mirror has changed too. she too has many wrinkles yet what she stands for is something that i can say I the girl from 15 year old back would have been proud of. and thats all that matters.

  3. Swaram says:

    We are reading! Hugs 🙂

  4. Anita Menon says:

    who said nobody’s reading. I read every post of yours Iya. Love your thoughts and how you put it out with such effortless ease.

    Change is inevitable, haina. I keep going back to my archived photos to check how much I have changed and I am astonished each time. Trust me I do this almost every single day. I completely understand when you say, how it is possible to look at oneself so objectively

  5. shruti says:

    Hi there,
    Although I am not a fellow blogger.. I read your posts quite often. I dont remember how I came across your blog..
    I really like your writing. This post mirrors my very own thoughts. I wonder when and how I left the shy, intovert girl far behind. When did I learn to give it back? well I am still too sensitive.. that I am yet to learn.
    Please keep writing.. I am sure there are people who love and follow your blog.

  6. Great to know that you continue to write. This is an old friend from Toddyshop. Remember? 🙂

  7. chubby spirit says:

    i loved you then and i love you now.. and am also proud of you!

  8. Tara says:

    I think writing is like taking pictures and while you have graduated from a p n s to dslr to make the memories even better, you should continue to write.. you do it so well.. not for anyone else but yes, for yourself.. when you will read this sometime later in life.. you will be amazed how these posts will make you smile going into flashback of the beautiful journey you have been.

    I need to tell all this to myself too.. sometimes we get so busy living that we find it difficult to find time and will to write about it..

  9. Reema says:

    Life is a continuous personal evolution process..we hardly remain the person we were a year back!

  10. Tharun says:

    Very sensitive indeed. Humans are meant to evolve something higher status. I guess you’ve just evolved.

  11. niravkarani says:

    It’s an interesting point you make there – that we should continue to write even if not many people are reading. Even though I can’t resist the temptation of checking my stats every time I login to wordpress, I guess writing for the sake of documenting my evolution is a motivation somewhere deep inside.

  12. nikhilkaul69 says:

    What you have written resonates the feeling of almost every second human. Or, I must say, any animal too for that matter. However, I guess what you have written has a different purpose than talking about change.

    Its probably how to cope with it.

    And, i must say i share the exact turmoil you experience. I have transformed from a love struck boy to an insanely ambitious man. I cant believe this, but this is true. And i would suggest one thing to you.

    When you are seeing yourself in the mirror, see your soul rather than your being. You wud see you havent changed. Not even o.e fucking bit. 🙂

    Chao. (sry for the length, but this beautiful post irked me beyond measures:) )

  13. Meghala says:

    No posts these days..very busy??

  14. Shruti says:

    it feels good to blog after a long time na? ya i guess all fellow bloggers will agree… welcome back and ya keep blogging and keep a record of all the changes that happen 😉

  15. D says:

    Right there with you. That’s exactly why I got back to blogging.

  16. Meghala says:

    Waiting for ur next post

  17. Himz says:

    Speaks so much Iya 🙂 Totally relatable…Keep writing!
    This line : “Crying over things people did. Sensitive to the point of being stupid.” I do that I hope few lines of maturity shall come in me as well and make me a better person that what I am today. cryng over people and their actions.

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